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How to Make More Clickbait For the Advanced
Everyone~ Today I will show you how to make more clickbait because I'm bored and have nothing better to do at the moment, moment being this one hour before I go back to the 9 hour homework I'm getting totally bombarded by. So now you can make clickbait articles, right? Well now, you need to make a set up for the articles. Instead of using simple formats like a journalist class does or like a Yahoo! page which only uses one page, well now you can do your clickbait by putting in less effort! For this, you need to make the reader have to click to multiple pages, preferably like 160 pages that the reader will never read. Also these pages should only have at least one sentence and then a photo that has nothing to do with the article. That is pure journalism and I'm still mad no "professional" journalist website has hooked me up for a job. >:( And now I became bored again so I won't show you the whole process because I refuse to waste many pages on my blogs that only has one word in them. And now I will show you more clickbait articles and the strategies around them. Everyone Thought She Was Crazy Until This... Doctors asked a really insane woman to draw a clock for no reason. It was secretly a test, hehehe~ Doctors made an analysis because the woman drew all the numbers in the right, she is therefore, insane. I don't know why the doctors would be rude as to make that assumption, but they are. So now you can read it in her book that I am not going to bother mentioning because you idiots must do the research. I mean look at this! Who does that? Writing all the numbers to the right, and then a smiley face out of nowhere? Also the hands in the clock are missing! What an idiot. Strategy: Do not mention the person suffering through this or the book they created. That means people have to do research. And they also have to find information on the person that was never mentioned in the article, so who knows they were real, right? Cops Were Shocked When They Raided This Michigan Home. Cops were shocked when they raided this house in Michigan. They were told to go there because it is their job to raid homes and make people miserable and all that horrible stuff. So they went to an abandoned house in Michigan and were shocked when no one lived there. How shockingly scary. No one living in an abandoned house? That makes, like nooooo sense at all. Strategy: Make a false story that makes no sense and angers the logical readers because they can only think using logic and it hurts their brains when they have to use critical thinking to realize it was a joke article. New Wedding Ring Takes Jewelry Stores By Storm. This cheap new ring that costs like, $1.50 is taking the industry by storm. You cheap bastard! Why in the hell would you ever give this to your loving wife? Is this the love you give her? Do you honestly think she's worth $1.50? Well, you lazy drunk slob, I will tell you that we are harder workers, go through labor pain, and we buy you the most expensive gifts and this is what we get in return? Yeah no, if it weren't for men being cheap, then these rings wouldn't exist. Strategy: I've gone through receiving cheap gifts, so this was easy for me to write lol. Derail the article from the subject to discrimination. But since you are in the minority, it is okay to discriminate. After all, the ever-loving majority will forgive you since they're the ones with flaws are we are not. We are perfect human beings and the majority has something to learn from us because they are imperfect discriminating scumbags! Am I taking this too far? Sorry, not sorry. 5 Things You Need to Know About School That No One Will Tell You. 1. Schools are for the lazy. 2. Schools are mental institutions. 3. Schools are only necessary for the smart who will go do good things in the future. 4. Schools are schools, that's why kids need to go there. 5. Schools are something I can't comprehend. Strategy: You use misleading ideas that make no sense. The World's Most Beautiful Abandoned Places. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the world's most beautiful place! Well actually, it's OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! This is the Pillars of Creation. It is located like a billion lightyears away from THIS WORLD!!!! How can you get to this beautiful place? Well you can't. Unless you become a creationist like that game Spore, and are able to time travel fast like the creatures, well maybe you can. But not in your lifetime. As of recent research, the Pillars of Creation have been destroyed by a supernova because a stupid star decided to die, so the supernova destroyed this beautiful piece of art in the universe. So now it is impossible to travel there, even with a super fast spaceship and immortality. I broke your expectations! Unless you can time travel to the past, maybe you can see it before they get destroyed by stupid supernova. Strategy: Talk about a place as a location you can visit. Then ruin expectations by telling the reader you can't visit there. Also I'm using the outdated picture because I like it more than the newer one. Steve Burns:"I can barely afford some chips at my Liquor store." Steve Burns, the famous celebrity who is your childhood is poor. The Blue's Clues actor can barely afford chips at his local peachy mart. Moral of the story is that it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or not, they can still be poor and are not immune to taxes and poverty. Also celebrity are people like that, get that through your heads you ignorant people! How dare you discriminate against the rich? What is wrong with you? Strategy: Talk about a not very well known celebrity and make it seem like they are poor, even though they are not. That'll make for some good clickbait articles. It also makes good for liability and how much of a trustworthy journalist you are. News flash: you are not, you liar! Don't Buy Furniture Until You See This Site That's right people, do not buy that cool looking table in this picture until you take a look at this website: http://bloggers-backstory.wikia.com. Now with this tricky little website, you can see if the table you like is good to buy or not. We have been given a 5 out of 5 stars and are very credible with what we critique. Strategy: Lie that you are a professional, even though you are not and are just giving people bad stuff to buy because whatever that is not being sold deserves to live happy with an owner. Also screw Wayfair, they are not a credible website, trust Blogger's Backstory instead. 8th Grade Quiz From 1402 Only 0% Passed, Can You? This very ancient paperwork back in 1402 was given to the unfortunate 8th graders who had to take a quiz for some dumb reason. Maybe it was for their education. But as we all know, education meant nothing back then. Now it is important. So that paperwork that they did where no one passed wasn't important. But let's see if you can pass this quiz that was handed out. Can you pass it? Or are you just @nother idiot? I mean seriously, this is easy to understand, how can you not pass this easy quiz? Take your time, and comment the answers below. Strategy: No paperwork from 1402 exists. It probably disintegrated because it was too old. So lie to the people if they can pass a quiz that has nonsense scribbled over it and if they fail, tell them to feel bad because that's the thing to do when you suck at something. Who is KFC? KFC is not actually a person, but a fast food place. KFC was created by Colonel Sanders. I don't know how or why he is or became a colonel, but he is. He created KFC. I think I have to repeat myself that he created KFC. Strategy: Make obvious clickbait by telling people who someone is, but then tell them that they're not actually who they think they are, and thus, messing with their heads. It doesn't and it wouldn't make any sense, but does any journalist article even make sense these days? I don't think so, and neither should you be thinking about it. Man Takes Bizarre Creature Home, But Years Later... Man, under the sea, was swimming until he came across this creepy ugly thing. It is soooo feaky, what is it? Some say it's a squid, and others say it's an octopus. But it is actually NONE! Can you believe that? I sure can't. I can't believe it even exists! Anyways, man takes it home because it looked homeless and raised it for years. But then suddenly, years later, something happened. The squid-octopus offspring died. How sad. :( Strategy: Create a story with no credibility. That is what is needed in journalism these days. Protein Shakes: What You Should Know! Did you know protein shakes are actually milkshakes with just juicy fruity flavors? I'm sure you didn't lol. So that's why I'm telling you! Not only that, but those milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. They can be found in Nesquik chocolate and strawberry flavors. Strategy: Talk about a diet that 99% of the world drinks, but never utilizes it for buffness or anything special, just because they wanna loose weight. Now bring misinformation about the diet, and make it seem like the whole article is pointless because it has nothing to do with there being any benefits or downsides to the beverage. Man Turns Shed Into Mansion! A man turned his lame-o shed into a mansion. Wanna know how? Well he told his idiot neighbors to get out of his lawn (which means street), so he sent them packing to a new place to live and then the man had space to create a mansion. He did it by destroying the abandoned property and then rebuilding it all by himself. Now he owns a mansion. So if you want to know how to make a mansion, then tell your idiot neighbors to go away, and then rebuild the houses on your own. Easy! Strategy: Make a story that would be impossible for the average person to accomplish. They will get mad at you and call you out for unrealistic standards. Pokémon you won't believe EXIST in real life! Pokémon is more than just a virtual reality game with fake animals. No, don't say that. These animals ARE real! And if you don't believe me, you're dumb. Take a look at this picture where a man has a Pikachu. OMG, it is a real Pikachu. I have never seen one before! It's so cute! In order to find Pokémon, you need to download Pokémon GO and go to your local backyard and you'll eventually come across a Pokémon. Now you own your own pet Pokémon, good job! Strategy: Trick the casual viewer into thinking Pokémon are real, even though they're not. They're fictional. Why do you think video games are video games? Omigosh, if you fell for this article, you are an idiot and should be ashamed of yourself. What's next, you will believe me when I say Minecraft is real and the whole world is a cube and blocky and not round like a sphere and that you can make beds out of wool? This is how Humans will Look Like in Some Trillions of Years from Now! In a shocking twist of shocking shock, researchers have found out how humans will look like in a bunchillions of years from now! Humans will look..................... wow, that's pretty ugly. Everyone, meet your future great, great, great, great, great, times a million grandchildren. In other words, your future children will be ugly and they will pass the ugly genes and that is how humans will evolve into more ugly. Okay, so there will be two classes of humans in the future: the upper class and the lower class. Yeah, screw the middle class, they probably don't exist anymore. So the upper class will turn into big eyed Japanese anime characters, it's just like the Japanese predicted! And the lower class will turn into ugly Shrek offspring with human skin color. As such, race will no longer be an issue, as stated by "officials" as there will only be one race. Also the lower class will also be illiterate as they will also be dumb. What makes these supposed scientists think that upper class will look better than the ugly class? The other way around can still happen. Strategy: Talk about a supposed theory and talk about information that can easily debunk a theory because scientists are dumb and only go by theories. Tom Cruise Is Finally Out Of The Closet. Tom Cruise came out of the closet in 2016. I don't know what he did but I guess he came out because he said so and it was in a South Park episode for over a decade ago. We will also talk about other celebrities who came out of the closet in 2016 because we the people have nothing better to do than stalking other people's lives as if they were a part of us. Kristen Stewart also came out according to clickbait Yahoo! articles. Also more people. And that's about it. If you wanna know about more celebrities that came out of the closet, go do some research yourself! I don't have time in my article. Strategy: Make a misleading article about a celebrity's live and then spread misinformation to make the viewer angry at you for spreading lies. This will be an easy way for people to realize you are an unreliable journalist, but at least you're getting paid. So screw the people! Write about stuff that will give you some quick cash that a bunch of idiots will fall for. If You See This Anywhere........................................ SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you see this insect anywhere.... scream for your life because it is the deadliest insect in the world. I don't care about Wandering Spiders hiding in Bananas or Bullet Ants or Killer Bees or none of that crap because this article isn't about them. It's about this insect. If you see this, run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you look at it in it's eyes, you will instantly die because the insect has something in it that will make you scream. Also it can track you down and eat you alive. So run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This insect can be found in the Americas, Euro-Asia, Africa, Australia, and Antarctica. You're not safe anywhere. It is also found in the ocean and outer space. Strategy: Talk about a non-existent insect and talk about it as if it were the deadliest thing ever. Even deadlier than tiny killers like mosquitoes or giant rampaging animals like the hippos. McDonald's Under Heat For Message Found In Logo. McDonald's is under a tons of bulldozers of heats for having subliminal messages in it's logo. The fast food chain, found in May 15, 1940, is under a lot of heat for hidding messages in its logo. It isn't until 76 years later (which is today), that humans are finally smart enough to find the subliminal messages in is logo. So what does the hidden message say? Well, have you ever noticed the "M" in it's logo? Well that "M" stands for "Murder"... clearly! Why do you think people always die from diabetes? Because fast food chains encourage these types of behavior of people buying their junk. So don't buy from McDonald's, ever! Strategy: Talk about a fast food restaurant that everyone eats, and then spread news that it is hiding messages even though there is no message hidden in the restaurant. So in other words, you wasted the reader's time. Good job! More Verdict I think you can do clickbait now. Category:Pages Category:Important Topics Category:Clickbait